Chances are, my chainsaw guys will see this article when it posts on our web site and at Facebook. And they’ll say to themselves, “I’m the guy with the chainsaw…” And of course, they’ll be right. We have more than one Chainsaw-Guy at School District 13 Haunted Attraction, but usually these rare individuals (typically men with strong arms and a will-of-steel) stand out among the rest, their engines roaring, their half-crazed stares the only witness to peed pants and other failed sphincters.
The Chainsaw Guy is very important. He’s a staple, in fact.
It may seem simple to wield a chainsaw at a haunted attraction. It’s sure-fire scare if there was ever was one, but I always feel a little pity for the man who’s tasked with the repetitive tugging on our battered and bloodied chainsaws. The chainsaw guy must be dedicated to the task of striking fear into the very bones of unwary folks who thought the haunt had ended. This is his job and if he dithers, people notice his absence. Who’s the guy with the chainsaw? He might be the man next door, but super-charged with a deep, dark, and twisted humor.
Almost all haunted houses in Colorado and Nebraska have a Chainsaw Guy. But School District 13 prides itself on the tenacity and stick-to-itive-ness of our tough and brawny Chainsaw Technicians who tug, roar, and then give chase. These men-who-shall-not-be-named, are always there, waiting at the edge of the darkness for the moment when unwary patrons let their guard down. But know that in the twilight hours, before the sun sets, and before they take up their chainsaws, many of them are gentle, soft-spoken fathers, or brothers, or mentors… These “normals” enjoy terrorizing frightened patrons, which is creepy but also ironic. At night’s end, they tell stories of people pissing themselves to less well-endowed scare actors (some with only their wits to scare patrons) across tables strewn with bottles of fake blood, Q-tips, and latex glue. Chainsaw Guys are a special breed indeed:
The guy next door, but with a chainsaw.